Personal-ish
So I’m on the train to my grandmother’s place… to see her de facto partner who has pretty much acted as my grandfather (on my mothers side) for all my life. As a child I hated him… but he’s not so bad a guy… the point is he’s been there for me and stood up for me (even when I didn’t know it). Anyway, he’s dying of cancer, doctors have taken him off the meds and he’s just sort of waiting out his death… which is why I’m visiting him. The problem is that for the last 10 years I’ve been completely apathetic about the whole subject of death… I don’t get sad about death, or about people dying, I just can’t seem to react properly towards death.. more often I just feel sad for the people grieving rather than the deceased individual. Now that may sound horrible, I don’t know, but this is how I’ve reacted towards death since my brother died… so it makes sense to me. So yeah, I have no idea what I’m going to say to him ay… maybe I’ll just listen to what he has to say, you know? My second problem is this: my mother wants me to do the eulogy. Now given my indifference towards death, and the fact I never really bothered to get to know the man… I have no clue of what I will say. Finally, my grandmother will be living alone after he dies, so she wants me to move in with her… and that’s a whole other post of problems… so more on this later…
